Penguin Orgy

Yesterday was a gorgeous, clear, crisp winter day in Melbourne. So I decided the weather was cooperating enough for a trip to Philip Island today. I picked up a few tips for those who have never done this and aren't going with a local.

The first is that if you tell your Android phone to 'Navigate to Philips island' it will give you a route that takes 59 days, includes tolls, a ferry, and passes through Japan. This is *not* the right island. Thankfully the island I was seeking was only a two hour drive from Melbourne. So I took out my Flexicar Honda Jazz with a picnic lunch and faced my first tollway/freeway experience on the left.

The nice thing about the M1 tollway is that it is full speed for all lanes. No tollbooths, just glowing overhangs that make your toll device go beep really loud when you go under them. I'm not sure if they check speed at the same time, so I was a good girl, 80km/hr feels slower than it sounds. It rained for most of the drive down, but I was rewarded with a magnificent view of the ocean when the sun broke through in that glorious stormy way.



Philip Island is on the Bass Straight which is 350 km of water between Australia and Tasmania. It is home to the 'Little Penguin'. Sometimes they are known as Fairy Penguins, but that is not correct according to my guide. They are the smallest of the 17 penguin species and the only ones that are blue and white instead of black and white. So they are clearly fashion forward even if they aren't fairies.

Penguins were the reason I went to the island. But they don't make an appearance until nightfall, so I sought out the other scenic attractions first. I was told to visit the Koala habitat, so that was my first stop. Koalas are not native to the island, and humans have done a lot of work to make this home viable for them. In the past they flourished so much they decimated the Eucalyptus trees on the island. The informative panels made reference to our own trajectory in this regard. But I have faith that we are better at managing our habitat than an animal that sleeps 20 hours a day. In fact, we have turned our ingenuity to making sure they survive despite their very poor evolutionary choice of eating only eucalyptus leaves. They spend hours eating leaves to get as many calories as we get from a bowl of cereal.

I actually saw one move more than it's head this time, which was nifty. But mostly I spent the afternoon sighting furry lumps in tree branches. The highlight was hearing a Kookaburra and watching some magpies fight over a female.

I arrived at the Penguin Parade grounds at the allotted time and learned the following things that they don't tell you on the website:

1. If you buy the Penguin Plus tickets and don't want to shop at the gift shop for an hour, get there about 30 min before sunset. The birds don't appear until all the light is gone


2. If it is wet that day, bring some plastic to sit on, better yet a blanket


3. The penguins do in fact parade right by you (and 1-4000 other humans) without seeming to be perturbed. So much so that they get right down to business within minutes of arrival. The sounds of penguin lust fills the air and one pair even gave us a show in range of the lights.

The video you can buy detailing the lives of these lovely birds has a label that says 'mature themes', but the website has no such warning about the live event.

It was a really neat place, and worth a trip from anywhere in the world. I didn't take a penguin home, but I did get an intimate view of their land lives, which is really better since they clearly have no shame.

The Angry Bird Saga

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The beginning

Some of you may not know about the Angry Birds phenomenon, so read up and this will make a lot more sense.

My friend inspired us to decorate our cubes with a theme. Her theme was "it's a jungle in here" and she found a plush angry bird that made bird noises when squeezed. It was so popular that it became clear we needed the whole set. So I was charged with acquiring more plush angry bird characters while in Hong Kong, and possibly even a large slingshot to take aim at our friendly sales team across the room.

The hunt

I was only supposed to be in Hong Kong for 5 days, but thankfully my time was extended, because it took a lot of visits to various markets before I found what I was looking for. I tried Central, Mid-levels, Stanley Market and then finally had success at Trendy Market and Ladies Market.

Trendy had mini ones with slingshots, which are loads of fun, but mostly recoil back on you instead of hitting your target. I hit the jackpot with one stall that had birds that were twice the size of my head. I bargained down to $50 HKD, which is about $6.50. In my excitement over my find and bargaining I neglected to consider how I would carry such a thing home with me.

My bags were already stuffed, so I determined to test the limits of carry on allowance on international flights. I showed up with a big pink plastic bag full of plush angry birds and pigs and ready to make my case that they would compress well in the overhead bin. The Hong Kong staff are clearly used to overstuffed shoppers and I was given no grief. I was safely on my way to Tokyo with the giant red angry bird overhead.

The separation

I dragged that pink bag of birds on the bus from Narita airport to Shibuya, by cab to the office, then to the train station and finally on the train on my way back to the airport for my flight to Sydney. I put the bag above me and ended up in a conversation with my neighbor. At Terminal 2 I got up to unlock my bag because they warned me to do this before the stop and then got off promptly at the stop. About halfway up the escalator I realized that I had left the bag above my seat on the train.

The rescue

Quite unexpectedly, the gentleman I had just met on the train offered to run down and get the bag. But he was too late and my birds departed for another terminal. I figured that was the end of that but my new friend encouraged me to ask the staff and miraculously we found someone who spoke English fluently. She called ahead and told us we had to pick it up from the next terminal. I was worried I'd be late if I embarked on another journey, so he went in my stead and promised to meet me at the Qantas checkin.

And to my relief, there he was not long after I checked in, with my pink bag full of angry birds in hand! My hero!

The outing

The birds were well received in Sydney and participated in our first quarter celebrations. After an incident doused the angry bird with beer we took him back to the hotel.

The theft

Now that the team had bonded with the bird it was even more important that he arrive safely in Melbourne. So I became worried when the checkin woman was giving the guy ahead of me a hard time about luggage allowance. Thankfully I got the nice one and away we went. The flight was completely full and I crammed the birds in the overhead bin. After a rough landing I awkwardly maneuvered to get my birds out and was confident I had my pink bag well in hand. But wait, it feels lighter as I'm walking, and oh no! The big red angry bird had fallen out of the bag.

I ran back to the gate and found the attendant to be highly amused as she radioed "can you see if there is an angry bird on the plane". the whole plane emptied before the answer came: some boys had taken it! So I ran for baggage claim and wondered how I hadn't seen them go by with my large red angry bird held captive.

The end

I scoured the crowd, which was limited to just our flight and slowly but surely gave up hope. I stood at baggage claim feeling sad that I had lost the big red angry bird on the last leg of my journey. Then the attendants came by and asked if I had gotten my bird back, I shook my head sadly and the woman from the plane said, "there they are, they have it". And with a chagrined look, a 20-something guy pulled my bird out of his duffel bag.

When I got in the cab I told him not to let me leave the cab without this bird in hand. He did not seem amused, but he just didn't understand the saga of the angry bird.

Bigger is better

I'm sure that Sun Tzu must have said that in the Art of War because it is easy to find the biggest whatever in China.

I started with the Venetian Macau, the largest casino in the world. It is very difficult to get a sense of the size from the ground when you walk up, it looks about the same as the one in Las Vegas, except instead of a lovely walkway, there is a massive parking lot full of busses continuously ejecting tour groups. But then you go in and begin to wander, and wander, and wander. And then you can't find the exit and you are impressed by the designers who built this maze of commercial nirvana. They have interactive maps that attempt to help you, but you really need to be part of one of those tour groups to have any hope. There is also something quite odd about seeing a rotund Chinese man in an Italian costume steering a boat down a faux Venetian channel. I never did find the ice palace that got me in there in the first place. Oh, and it is built on a very large span of reclaimed land between two real islands.

Back on the island of Hong Kong, I navigated to Central and up a steep incline to the Mid-level escalators. Touted to be the longest escalator in the world, it is really a random sequence of walkways, escalators and people movers. It only goes up and sections are often broken. It takes you past shops and restaurants and isn't nearly as exciting as it should be. There is also some odd Oyster card station along the way where you can tap your transit card (for the metro) and get a 2 HKD credit. People were lined up for this and it is a decent walk from the metro, so it remains a mystery why people are rewarded for the excursion. Perhaps it is part of some exercise program the government runs.

Finally I got to experience a vertigo inducing cocktail in the bar at the World's highest hotel on the Kowloon side. It is appropriately named Ozone and the decor is also a bit disorienting. The outdoor terrace is protected from the wind but open on the top and sits at 118 stories up. I had a gorgeous clear night and a great view of the glittering lights of the city.

Next I'm off to Japan where I hope they don't have the biggest earthquake.

Global Citizens

On the flight from Beijing to Hong Kong I sat next to a gentleman who struck up a conversation based on my Chinese studies. He was a Russian diplomat stationed in Hong Kong who spoke Russian, Mandarin, Cantonese, English and a bit of Portuguese. he lived in mainland China for 13 years and was in Beijing during the Tianamen Square incident. He claims 203 people were killed and mostly not in the main square. He also felt the students had no idea what they were doing and had no hope of getting anywhere that day. He was reading a Chinese magazine with an article by a Chinese political science professor at Columbia University about what will happen next year when the new leaders take power. No one seems to be overly worried about the transition since the goal is always a "harmonious society". It's a good thing China doesn't compete for the Stanley Cup.

On Saturday night I dressed up and headed for Lan Kwai Fong to see who I'd meet. I ended up chatting with two Frenchmen who were on their way home after a visit to their factory in Shenzhen (just across the border in Mainland China). One had lived in Miami for 20 years and spoke fluent English, the other knew high school level English and got roped into a bachelorette party where the girls were all wearing pink wigs and the bride to be was in purple. They introduced him to Jello shots and it did not seem to matter that they could not really speak the same language.

Today I took a trip to Macau and met an Austrian with a Norweigen name, living in Switzerland and working in Lichtenstein. He was in Hong Kong to meet with clients and this was his second trip to Macau. All his clients are fleeing to gold, the real stuff, none of those ETFs. God help us if we end up losing complete faith in the dollar and the Euro. Maybe I should buy more RMB while my money is still worth something...or maybe I'll just buy some more clothes. I do love Shanghai Tang.

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In RMB we trust

I arrived in Beijing at 3am on Monday because of delayed flight. I argued with the cab driver about the price because the flight attendant told me it should be 80 RMB and the driver quoted 100 RMB (for reference the current rate is $1 -> 6.5 RMB) so I was arguing with him over $3. I may have been sleep deprived. And in the end it was 85 RMB, because it was metered, so no negotiating was required.

That night my colleague took us to a faux silk market because the real one is far too touristy at this point. I was so excited to practice my Mandarin skills that I attempted to negotiate in 普通话 (Chinese). We came to an impasse at 100 RMB for three scarves. She wanted 110, so finally I attempted to offer 105, I chose to literally translate, a rookie mistake! I called out 一佰五, and they broke out into laughter and said Yes! Turns out I offered 150 RMB. So now I know that 105 is 一伯零五. That extra character representing zero.

Clearly my negotiating skills need work. The first thing I need to do is look Chinese, then I need to value small sums of money more than time and begin enjoying the exercise like a game rather than a transaction.

Thank goodness I have other endearing qualities, because I also managed to make a fool of myself by throwing something squishy on my new colleague at dinner. I am not a novice at chopsticks but this thing was slippery! I then watched the pros and saw them using spoons to pick it up. That night I ate wasabi duck feet and drank warm corn juice. The corn juice grows on you, the duck feet should be avoided at all costs.

On this trip I jumped in and ate fresh fruit and even sushi. Either they have cleaned up their water supply since my last visit or my stomach is tougher than average. Of course the smog and cigarette smoke probably took about a month off my lifespan, all in the name of progress!

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What we value

I'm a bit behind because of my trip to China where blogger is blocked, so I'll be putting up a few posts this weekend.

I have encountered a seemingly odd inversion of value in Melbourne compared to New York, and most of the US in fact.

When I go to my local Woolworth's (supermarket) I have to use a coin ($1 or $2) to unlock the trolley (aka cart). I get it back if I return it to the right location. By comparison, in the US you can take a cart without a deposit. They tend to be far less functional (carts here are like the spinner bags and the wheels go in all directions) but it enables the famed Idiotarod.

When I get on a tram, I'm supposed to pay about $2.50 for the ride, but there is no enforcement of this rule. I have been riding for 2 months and have yet to see an inspection agent and there is no restriction on boarding.

I know that trolleys are cheaper than running a tram system, so what gives?

So the first question is: are the supermarkets in the US more trusting or do they just value their carts less? And if you really think about it, $1 is quite the deal for a trolley with spinner wheels. So perhaps it is less about trust and more about an incentive to bring the cart back to the entrance. Since the minimum wage in Australia is $18/hour instead of the US $8/hour perhaps it is just not worth hiring cart collectors. Comparing this to the Chinese airports where trolleys are free and there are tons of staff collecting the carts - that seems like the most reasonable explanation.

As for the trams, I wonder if this is a matter of needing to encourage use. Since Melbourne is like LA - spread over a large physical distance - people prefer their own cars to get around, making for nasty traffic. If the trams are easy to board, then people have one less reason to avoid them. They want people to pay, so much so that they run ad campaigns to guilt people into paying, but not enough to slow traffic flow by erecting barriers to tram boarding without payment. Compared to major cities like New York and Beijing where the public transit requires a ticket before boarding, Melbourne has a much smaller lower class population, so most of the riders are probably middle class. Since it is not a burden to pay, most people probably feel it is part of their civic duty to pay. I can think of no other explanation for why so many people pay when boarding. The New Yorker in me feels I shouldn't pay if I'm not forced to, but I admit I'm starting to feel the social pressure to be honest when those around me are.

What a strange and mysterious land Australia is - where people are nice, trollies cost $1 and all the tram riders are honest!

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Piece of f**ing piss

That was the phrase of the week here. I learned it from an American co-worker who is still working out the correct situation for usage. Then at the Good Food & Wine Show this weekend we were chatting with some guys from Oxford Landing and they clearly had their wobbly boots on, which may be why they described the show as a "piece of f**ing piss" which is apparently the equivalent of "piece of cake" in America. Clearly Yanks are far less crude in their description of what is easy, but I have to admit it is easier to piss than make a cake, so maybe they are onto something.

The other way Aussies love to use the word piss is when they are taking it out of you. As in, "no worries mate, I was just taking the piss out". which is like "yanking your chain" or "messing with ya". Apparently you must return the favor to stay mates, so I clearly need to work on this skill.

There are some commonly used phrases that I always associated with regions in the US, but are apparently more international. "wicked" is not just a New England adjective and I've heard "I reckon" more times here than I did in my visits to the South.

I will leave you with an observation from a friend that Melbourne is like Pleasantville because there are no potholes or broken windows.I reckon it would be perfect, if only getting Internet service was a piece of piss.